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DESCRIPTION

To say Ralph is a big guy would be the understatement of the poke'century! In canon, he is stated to be nine feet tall and six hundred and forty three pounds of muscle and bad temper. Here in the land of Victory Road, he's only a little smaller physically but his temper stayed roughly the same. Luckily many years in Johto has taught him the magic of friendship.

When he's out and about, Ralph now makes a point of wearing what he thinks are PROTAGONIST clothes now that he's abandoned Team Rocket and has re-invented himself. He can be found helping out wherever there's help needed (little odd jobs, helping possibly-not-that-willing little old ladies across the street, and beating the shit out of any Rocket grunts he encounters.) Whatever the job, the man's knuckles are usually wrapped up or at least peppered with little Skitty-print bandages.

TEAM




JOHTO BADGES
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KANTO BADGES
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[ACCIDENTAL VIDEO]

_{[Ralph is furiously tapping away at his 'gear and has accidentally turned the camera on. Enjoy a worm's eye view of the guy's chin and thumbs and little else. He's outside, seated on a bench somewhere in Goldenrod's shopping district and ranting to someone.]}

And you know what really crosses my wires? They had the nerve to keep on pretending! I don't know about you, Wrath, but I'm sick and tired of this whole Johto-wide charade of everyone pretending like they aren't from a video game! I can't be the only one that remembers! I can't be the only one who didn't get his code scrambled!

I think they're all kiddin' themselves! So what if there's no quarter alert? So what if we can't see the screen and nobody knows where the tram is! That doesn't mean we should all pretend to be real!



[ACTION FOR SOME BAR IN GOLDENROD]

_{[After a long, exhausting day of arguing, it's easy to find the big guy with some empty glasses at his elbow tucked away in whatever dimly lit corner he could find. He has a Lot to think about.]}

_{[An enormous angry face fills the screen. Nothing about this seems amiss except for--]}

ALRIGHT! Who's the comedic genius that decided to switch out my shampoo? I don't know where you got this stuff but I've been trying to wash it out for hours!

_{[--that. The wrecker's hair has changed from its usual dark brown to cotton candy pink. Even his eyebrows! Who shampoos their eyebrows? It goes quite well with how red his face is getting.]}

Circus Crew, I'm lookin' at you! Don't start somethin' you can't finish!

--eeeuuck. Finally!

_{[Ralph holds the gear at an odd angle. He's in a bathroom.]}

Look. I'm at the end of my rope, you gotta help me. Is there any way to make this thing less disgusting?

_{[He brings his other hand into the frame. Stuck to it is a shiny Swirlix. Nelly blinks at the device and sticks her tongue out happily. The little cotton candy pokemon has everything from loose coins to dust to leaves to a desk pen stuck to her sticky cotton candy fur.]}

It sticks to EV ER EE THING. I even tried giving it a bath and I think that made it WORSE.

_{[For a long minute Ralph is content to let the 'gear take in a shot of the Lake of Rage.]}

Now this is nice! Reminds me of home only less...square. This whole time we've been on the road it hasn't felt like a camping trip, y'know? A camping trip needs a lake and boy have we found one!

_{[The video opens, once again, on Ralph's big dumb face. Behind him is the forest outside of Violet. He's been training more. Watch out, Faulkner! He's got a gauze-wrapped hand clapped to one cheek and looks half-past miserable.]}

Let's have a hypothetical discussion. If just perhaps possibly somebody completely unrelated to me but like me with not the greatest income happened to eat a lot of candy over the holidays...where's a guy gotta go around here to get some dental attention?

<sub>[For once it's not Ralph holding the camera. The angle is low and a single blunt claw can be seen slightly obscuring the view. Bossy the Sandshrew has snuck the 'gear out of her trainer's bag for no other reason than to be a little pest and embarrass her failure of a partner as much as she can.]

[A few feet away, Ralph can be seen hunkering over one of the tiny tables outside one of the cafes in Violet. He's got a bowl of hot soup in front of him and is trying his very best to use the pair of chopsticks he's been given to get the noodles from the bowl into his face.]

[It's going about as well as can be expected.]</sub>

Easy does it...eeeeasy does it...d'oh!

_{[The noodle plops back down into the soup and splashes him. He tries again. And again. A dark snicker comes from the camera-mon. On about his sixth try, Ralph finally fumbles the tiny chopsticks and sends one spinning across the cafe patio. There just aren't enough things in Johto designed for Ralphs. He sits and stares furiously at his single chopstick until he catches onto the hushed shrewshrewshrew snickering coming from the next table over.]}

Bossy! Are you--GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE RAT.

_{[Cue Blair Witch shaky-cam and eventual filmcut.]}

<sub>[The scene is dim, lit only by candles and the soft glow of streetlights coming through the windows of Sprout Tower. Ralph has his 'gear angled down at his feet where there are about six curious Rattata. He's sitting on the floor and pitching pieces of what looks like soda crackers to them.]

[This is what Ralph does with his nights these days.]</sub>

These little guys are pretty friendly. I think the whole thing about this place bein' haunted was a load of bologna. I haven't seen a single ghost the whole time I've been here. They were right about the place bein' kinda wobbly though.

This place could do with some foundation work.

_{[He's quiet for a little while after that and just focuses on keeping the camera right-side up and angled on the purple rats.]}

I think I'm gonna try getting the medal for this place and then blowin' outta town. It's gonna take a while, though, because Rocky's only on level nineteen. My pal told me he's my best bet.

<sub>[Back again so soon, Ralph?]

[The wrecker is surrounded by darkness and the only light comes from the gear's screen and one hanging light somewhere off to his left. Dripping can be heard along with scrapes and clanks.]

[Anybody who's been arrested before will recognize the too-small community service vest he's wearing.]</sub>

Okay, guys? Have a look at this and tell me it's not the creepiest thing you've ever seen.

<sub>[His voice is hushed and he turns the gear around to peer down the long stone walkway that flanks the sewage river. On down the way are a couple of other workers who are dealing with a Grimer nest that's blocking the sewage flow and a Jenny that's watching over them. This isn't the spooky part.]

[The spooky part is the Mr. Mime standing off by itself near a ladder. Just standing there. He obviously belongs to somebody on the cleaning crew but sewers are not the natural habitat for clowns.]</sub>

If this thing starts talkin' to me, I'm breaking through the ceiling.